Ugh, that G-D Test!

Hee hee...when I mentioned on the weekend that I had to do the "G-D Test" this week, Prof Man thought that I was very annoyed with the prospect of the test and was avoiding using the Lord's name in vain! Made me giggle...

I had my "G-D Test" (Gestational Diabetes) today. They make you drink a disgusting sugary corn syrup-based drink and then sit around and wait for an hour (to metabolize the sugar) and then they do a blood test.

The test sucks for several reasons:

(1) You're supposed to avoid sugar beforehand. Seems easy enough, right? Not really (and it's not just because I've been having crazy sugar cravings lately)...it means no cereal for breakfast and no fruit of any kind (otherwise you'll likely test high and have to do the even more onerous follow-up G-D Test). I've been avoiding sugar in general for the last couple of days to try to make sure that I didn't end up with a false positive result. Apparently false positives are very common with this first stage G-D test. The result? You've got to do the same thing, only this time you have to both (a) fast beforehand, and (b) sit there for 3 hours! Boo. Really hoping to avoid that one. Okay, back to reasons that the first G-D test sucks!

(2) The drink is repulsive. You basically have to chug this sugar water as quickly as possible (can't remember what it was, but there's a time limit). It has basically no redeeming taste, except "sugary". I'm sure hummingbirds would love it...but pregnant ladies with weird senses of taste? Eww. My midwife told me that it would be an orange pop type drink (which I wasn't totally grossed out by)...but the lab recently switched to a new variety. "Clear flavourless sugar water" (okay that's not the name, but I'm not sure if you could invent a more creative name for this terrible concoction). I guess for some, the lack of flavour might be appealing...but for me, it just made me focus on the texture (syrupy) and generally sugary nature of the drink. Just gross.

(3) You can't walk around during your 1-hour waiting period. Apparently walking would allow you to metabolize the sugar too much, so you just have to sit and wait. Now I brought a book, but I still get antsy sitting for an hour in a crowded waiting room with a bunch of sickies. At least if you can walk, you can distract yourself. Instead, I read my book and took the odd break to people watch (unfortunately, no interesting stories resulted...boring people in the medical office today).

(4) The test makes you feel sort of preggo drunk. You get an odd sugar rush (or maybe that's just me)...then you're a little hyper and dizzy (and fancy yourself quite amusing -- as evidenced by my text messages to Prof-Man during the waiting period)...followed by that yucky sugar-induced crash afterwards. Doesn't seem like an appropriate thing to purposely inflict on oneself. I will say, however, that Red Dragon seemed to quite enjoy our little sugar roller coaster! She had her own private dance party! I pictured her doing the "hyper-hypo" scene from Saturday Night Live (for those of you who have been living under a rock...or don't like to stay up and watch TV on Saturday nights, it's the one with Mike Meyers and Nicole Kidman -- one of my absolute favorite SNL skits...just found it online -- here it is!).

If you don't think it's funny, that's fine...you clearly don't get my sense of humour (but I'm also a gal who laughed hysterically with her husband, along side the 10 year olds in the rest of the theatre, at the fart jokes in Scooby Doo!) :)



Anyhoo...after all that, I'm back at the office and have decided to treat myself to a free (from the lunch room) hot chocolate to celebrate being done! :) Nothing like sugar after my sugar tolerance test!